If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
