you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
