we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
