you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
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That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
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So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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