apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
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her body is proportioned like a family guy character
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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