don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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