party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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