It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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