My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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