my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
