How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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