She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
