Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
