I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
