loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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