You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
