There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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