It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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