Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
