Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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