Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize