yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
