I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
