every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
