You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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