I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That's when you crack a 10am beer
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize