I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
