opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
