WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
