just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
