Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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