so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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