Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize