i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize