im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
