So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
