he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
