This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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