Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
