Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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