went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
