I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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