If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
