The maid of honor just puked.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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