I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
