"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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