I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
