i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
