Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
