Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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