If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
