I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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