Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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