just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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