She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
