After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
