I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
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Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
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There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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