Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
