I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
